Control. I'm constantly trying to have it in my life. Whether it be in my work, home, relationships, training plans, emotions, or eating, I quickly learn that I have none. I often fail when I attempt to influence, guide, or strong-hold things that are bigger than my willpower; leaving me feeling defeated, confused, angry, or even scared.
Months ago, I was asked: "Why did you start running and why do you keep running?" I didn't have an answer. I was stumped. I guess it was because a doctor told me I shouldn't run because of my asthma. Just like the advice I heed from my own mother, I quickly rejected the notion and decided I wasn't going to let a doctor's opinion or diagnosis of a sickness determine what I could and couldn't do.
Clearly, I'm stubborn, strong willed, and sometimes downright dumb. I believe I run because it is the only thing I feel I really do have control over: my pace, my distance, my route, my music, etc. When I run I'm free of everything trying to control me, and free of everything that I am trying to control, except the weather.
In the past few months, I have been given many reminders of how little or no control I have. These knock-you-down then kick-you-while-you-are-down reminders have come in the form of attending funerals for loved ones, having friends diagnosed with a deadly disease and fighting for their lives, having a test come back with a bad result, and consoling friends who are recovering from injuries.
(Missoula Half-Marathon dedicated to Andrea.)
It makes me stop and think, "What do I really have control over?" My answer is: my mind and my actions. Where are my mind and actions most positive? When I'm running. It gives me an outlet for the stress, gives my mind the time to process what to do, and gives my body the time to work through all the emotions. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't run.
God has gifted me with an amazing husband, blessed me with two incredible boys, and surrounded me with the most loving family and friends I could imagine. Without them I would be lost.
Even when things are bad, hurtful, and hard, I have to believe it is all part of God's perfect plan. I'm not going to take a day on this earth for granted. I can't afford to and neither can you.
I'm going to cherish every moment; the good and the bad. I'm going to let go of what I can't control and redirect my energy to what I can influence...how I make others feel. Hopefully, I will make a positive difference in others lives. Maybe it will be in yours?